The Control Factor

The Control FactorHere’s a principle practiced on a daily basis by humanity though not all are conscious of it. I call it The Control Factor.

Whoever defines the problem gets to control the process.

It’s an eye opener isn’t it? Frankly, that principle flies under the radar of most people in today’s world and instead of love being what makes the world go around, this principle seems to be what does.

Whether it’s about governments, businesses, significant relationships and even faith-based systems, to me, it seems this principle is driving how the process of each entity moves.

There’s so much willful and purposeful redefinition happening all around us.

Who is responsible for law making and when, the State or Federal government? Who is responsible for raising children, parents or others outside the home? Who is responsible for shaping how we see the world and problem solving? What is the authority to define what happens in eternity after we die? Who determines how the American Ryder Cup team should play? When is race a legitimate issue or when is it used to control others for agenda reasons? How do executive decisions get made if it seems to go against history, tradition, or documented agreements? How does saying I’m being led by God become suspect when there are divisions among a people led by a leader who uses that phrase to control what goes on in the community of faith-based people? What really is the authority to define how I do relationships? How I can get to heaven? Who says it’s cancer and who says it isn’t cancer? How do children try to define their problems in a check out line at the grocery store and if not heeded, look out?

Again, whoever defines the problem gets to control the process. In every area of life, we see this principle being activated, don’t we?

When is being in control legitimate and when is it illegitimate? If we take love and respect for others out of the equation, I think we should be able to determine the answer.

Granted, the Control Factor is a part of living in this world. I think using this principle, coming from a baseline of love for others, can be powerful, wonderful and healing. Using this principle as the baseline for conducting relationships is self-serving, destructive and twisted.

My goal today! Defining the problem regarding the motivations of our heart. Where that’s coming from determines where it will go. Thoughts?

9 thoughts on “The Control Factor

    1. I know we long for control because of sin; because we fear the unknown and do not believe, really believe, that “He has the whole world in His hands.” I cannot believe the lengths I go to in order to get my spouse to stop manipulating me (ironic, yes, I know). One day in prayer I felt as if God said to me “If he won’t listen to Me, what makes you think he’s going to listen to you?” It stopped me cold. I didn’t know what to do with that. I still don’t know what to do with it. Except watch him continue down his renegade path, see the gap between us widening, and cry. And recognize my attempts to control (under the guise of engaging~the lie I tell myself) and remain silent.

      1. The Control Factor can be a positive thing when backed and motivated by love. It’s the major struggle we all have and learning to do what Joe talked about takes time doesn’t it? I appreciate your openness Shelly.

  1. I have come to realize that it is difficult to control what only I can control, my heart. That is why we long for more, anticipating completion, looking to the eternal.

  2. Indeed our motives, this side of heaven, are never pure. When we use control, which is basically manipulation, for conducting relationships we are denying the other person the relational freedom to be themselves. Our creator loves us for who we are, and he knows our story and the glory to come for us. He came so that we all can be unburdened, shame free and accepted as he has created us. When someone defines the problem, or more specifically our story, they are manipulating us for their benefit, Thus creating drama that is self serving, instead of surrendering to His will, through faith and trust in his unfailing love.

  3. This reminds me of something Jeff VanVonderen said at a seminar years ago (1980’s)….”Whoever points out the problem becomes the problem.” So I catch hubby in a lie, THAT HE ADMITS TO, and guess what? The problem isn’t that he lied..oh’s that I’m upset about being lied to because, now get this, if I REALLY knew Jesus loved me I wouldn’t be so upset about being lied to. So, he redefined the problem and it was “game over.”

      1. Yes. And he tells us what the real problem is. I call it showing me the Spider~~one can take care of the cobwebs, but if the Spider is still unaddressed the cobwebs will return.