Next week I’ll resume the series on twisted games people play. I want to point to a different direction today and it’s about my marriage to Judy.
July 29, 2012 is our forty fifth anniversary. If I was to look back and say what it is that keeps us going – falling in love, being in love and loving each other, I could suggest several things we’ve done to mind the gap of marital distance. Jesus certainly is the core of our marriage but here are other things that keep us from distance in our marriage.
We believe marital distance is the number one enemy in any home. Now that belief didn’t take shape until about twenty years into our marriage and I’m the reason it didn’t – not Judy. But once I understood how devastating emotional and marital distance was, it broke my heart to see what it or I did to Judy and our children.
I have this marital report card I use in MORE Married Conferences to show how well we’re doing at any given time. The grading is in nine areas that every marriage must hurdle if they want to enjoy each other more often than not. 1. Know what it means to separate from parents 2. Work together to develop autonomy 3. Becoming parents and learning not to see children as intrusive. Many divorces happen because of that 4. Coping with crisis 5. Making a safe place for conflict to happen 6. Expressing love sexually and emotionally – we don’t have to go around and say “I need a hug.” 7. Maintaining humor – worse enemy is boredom 8. Preserving double vision – maintaining good memories are important to hang on to. 9. No SECRETS!
Minding this gap of marital distance has taken and will take tons of work. Even in an older age we still do this work. Hasn’t all been pretty but let me tell you, nothing will change until the man takes responsibility to mind this gap first. My bias I know.
I’m grateful to God for Judy. Judy thank you for forty five years. I’m looking ahead to forty five more if that’s possible. 🙂