Forty Five Years of Marriage!

Next week I’ll resume the series on twisted games people play. I want to point to a different direction today and it’s about my marriage to Judy.

July 29, 2012 is our forty fifth anniversary. If I was to look back and say what it is that keeps us going – falling in love, being in love and loving each other, I could suggest several things we’ve done to mind the gap of marital distance. Jesus certainly is the core of our marriage but here are other things that keep us from distance in our marriage.

We believe marital distance is the number one enemy in any home. Now that belief didn’t take shape until about twenty years into our marriage and I’m the reason it didn’t – not Judy. But once I understood how devastating emotional and marital distance was, it broke my heart to see what it or I did to Judy and our children.

I have this marital report card I use in MORE Married Conferences to show how well we’re doing at any given time. The grading is in nine areas that every marriage must hurdle if they want to enjoy each other more often than not. 1. Know what it means to separate from parents 2. Work together to develop autonomy 3. Becoming parents and learning not to see children as intrusive. Many divorces happen because of that 4. Coping with crisis 5. Making a safe place for conflict to happen 6. Expressing love sexually and emotionally – we don’t have to go around and say “I need a hug.” 7. Maintaining humor – worse enemy is boredom 8. Preserving double vision – maintaining good memories are important to hang on to. 9. No SECRETS!

Minding this gap of marital distance has taken and will take tons of work. Even in an older age we still do this work. Hasn’t all been pretty but let me tell you, nothing will change until the man takes responsibility to mind this gap first. My bias I know.

I’m grateful to God for Judy. Judy thank you for forty five years. I’m looking ahead to forty five more if that’s possible. 🙂

Thoughts?

15 thoughts on “Forty Five Years of Marriage!

  1. Congratulations Jerry & Judy. It’s been over 31 years since you led us to the Lord. Had some great times here in Ravenna. Miss you all. Love from Ted, Deb & Betsy May.

  2. Bev and I just had our 45th in June. You remember our wedding and we remember arriving at your wedding just in time to see Judy going down the aisle. Now you have moved further away and Bob has moved back to Mi. How is Terry?

  3. What an incredible journey you have had together! It is my honor and privilege to call you family and friends! Thank you for sticking with and following thru with the vows you took before the Lord and witnesses 45 years ago. It was my joy to reconnect in 2009 and for you to be so generous to share your home and lives with me. (glass raised) “here’s to many more and MORE years together”. You know you always have a place to stay when you visit MI :-).
    Love and smiles,
    Jane

  4. WOW! WOW! WOW! You guys must be getting old. 45 long years. Congrads. Our 46th is in a couple weeks + some days. And of course you know, Jerry, since you were there giving me support. Thought I would mention
    that I agree that marriage does take a lot of work. We sure had our ups and downs. But one thing my folks always taught me was that divorce was not an option. And love is not a fuzzy feeling but it is a CHOICE. I shared those thoughts with my wife, Barb, because she came into marriage with different ideas. She came from a broken home and all her aunts were divorced and later her sister divorced two different men and most of her cousins are divorced. One big screwed up family. But by God’s grace, we managed to plow through and maintain our marriage by hanging on to those two concepts; divorce not an option and love is a choice. We didn’t always feel like loving but we chose to love to the best of our ability with God’s help. And I am sure glad we did because now in older age marriage is awsome. We finally worked through most of our problems. And I give all the credit to God and thank Him for a wonderful wife and marriage.

    1. We go back a long way don’t we Doug and Barb? Your commitment to each other is just another demonstration for being MORE Married than you were yesterday. The journey of LOVE you mention is REAL. Great concepts.

  5. Wow, a super milestone together! Congratulations!!!
    We are excited for you and Judy because we know you guys will always earn high marks on your own marital report cards in the years to come.

    1. Jana, you are worth it. Thank you for your love and also to see your desire for God. The old song says it. “This world is not our home, we’re just passing through….” Love you, Craig and kids – tillersandtravelers.

  6. Congrats of 45 years of marriage. Judy deserves a medal, only kidding. Maybe one of these days we can see you guys. Just returned from three weeks in Russia and the Netherlands. Love you guys, Larry