I think everyone struggles to be relevant. It may or may not be a conscious thought but people will hold onto the dreams of their youth to define how relevant their futures will be. The problem comes when there’s a direct proportion to their fear of not measuring up to the standard they or others have imposed on them. The more one fears failure, the more one lives in a dream world and everyone – including the hapless dreamer – suffers. And love disappears.
I want to think about the twisted games we develop if the above were to happen. Minding the gap between living in the real world versus a dream world is critical in my view. Why? Because when love disappears, we must twist what it means to love into what it means to control people so the dream or fantasy remains alive and well. The results! In the real world, we’re disconnected from ourselves and others. And harm is lurking in some shape or form, because we’re in the gap where relational train wrecks happen.
For me, recognizing my twisted games has helped in avoiding those relational train wrecks, especially in my marriage and with my children. For a limited number of blogs, I’d like to mind this gap and reveal what those games look like and share the remedies. Hint! It surrounds the notion of failing to love.
I will reveal a top ten list, but if you like, feel free to dialogue with me about your lists too.
I don’t think it’s wrong to struggle to be relevant. But, giving in to the fear of failure to maintain any fantasy puts us in the gap where relevance at any cost is destructive. Do you agree or not? Why?